man, it's so exhausting,
being so much smarter than everyone else all the time!!

i just flew in from pittsburgh, and boy
are my arms tired from being so much smarter than everyone else all the time!!

knock knock!!!
who's there?
jeff.
jeff who?
jeff who is so much smarter than everyone else all the time,
and frankly, exhausted by being that!!!!!

certain conceptions of medicine are so unevolved
as to imagine HIV as a "Curse," and not a Virus.
HIC. anyway, IT'S BOTH, the c is just silent, invisible.
i have norton anti-curse for my computer. keep in mind, the birth control pill
protects against pregnancy, but not against sexually transmitted diseases
or curses. i point this out
because a lot of Hot Sluts are probably reading this right now.

Saudi Arabians Stampeded at their ikea one time, and a bunch of them died.
i was smart enough not to be there, or saudi arabian.
i was smart enough to outgrow cultural relativism, or at least outrun it.
my tv stand is from ikea, and it fucking rules. i bought mine,
and not the other ones, because i'm so much smarter than all the people
who bought all of the other ones. i bet a lot of Saudi Arabians
wish they were me. i bet within the Imaginative Space carved out by DOOGIE
HOWSER the tv show, doogie is wishing he was as smart as me,
and writing about it in his diary right now.

i don't think i should have to apologize for being so much smarter
than everyone else all the time. this is how god made me!!!
i was only using 'god' as a representative
metaphor. i don't believe in god because i'm way too smart for that!!! all the time!!!
there are no atheists in foxholes, except for me. if i was in one.
but i am way too smart to end up in a foxhole, to begin with!!!

what are you doing friday night?
i mean, do you want to come over
and talk about how we're so much better than everyone else?

i could tell you exactly what you need
but you're probably too dumb to listen to me.
if you don't recognize that i'm so much smarter than everyone else, all the time,
then you are dumber than i thought.

if your arguments are boats with holes in them,
then i am the ocean,
unimpressed. and beautiful.
and so much smarter than everyone else all the time!!!

sure, i could fix your paralysis, but i let the 'doctors' handle it.
if i stopped to cure cancer, and aids,
it would only be a Tragic Story
of wasted potential.
the Superior Way in which you probably regard fast food employees?
that's how i feel about
shakespeare.
yeah, i figured out the Truth about String Theory
last night, but a lot of Physicists are really into that particular
MYSTERY NOVEL, and i'd hate to ruin the ending.

being so much smarter than everyone else all the time really
just makes me want to drink
this peach flavored water
and go lie down.

i was going to give this poem a Better Ending,
but my genius, messianic understanding of causation
allowed me to see all of the Potential Outcomes
of Potential Endings, and leaving this poem like this,
trust me,
was in everyone's best interest.