MY "COWORKERS" #1: I HAD A BAD DAY:

there you are again,
watching tv,
talking on the phone,
feet up on the desk.
there you are again,
Long Lunches.

looking into your office
is like looking into a life-sized "office"
diorama
in the museum of LOL.
2006!!!

you're old and make more money
than i do,
Not Afraid To Have A Good Time.
that's your name,
Not Afraid To Have A Good Time.
aka
Long Lunches.

my name is
today i hate everyone.

MY "COWORKERS" #2: Office Newsletter!!!!

i say this not at your expense but at your
reality:

i told people about your ass over six months ago.
"cartoonishly disproportionate," i said.
"or, you might say," i said,
"cartoonishly assed."

like a bear, like Brer Bear. like a circus
bear, on a unicycle. seriously like that.

today you sat down and it took me a minute
to realize:
you weren't sitting in
the office chair. you were sitting on
the office chair. you were sitting on its
arms. it was holding you,
i guess like a baby. you were just too big.

you make fifty six thousand dollars a year,
and i envy you this.
though i guess it's not really fifty six thousand
dollars a year, after taxes
and pants.

your name isn't anything
mean. your name is just
Gentle Giant.
my name is
Happy Pants.