man, i do have 'problems.'

man, i do have 'problems.'

you were like "lorazepam and everything's wonderful now!!!!," so i was like, "must. get. high." i listened to an entire neil young album. but midway through, at that point i was the kind of CURIOUS CHILD high where pain doesn't HURT, it's just really interesting. so i thought, "i've never been punched in the face. i wonder what that's like." then i tried, and failed, because i kept pulling back at the last moment. and i was like, "funny that i do that, instinctively, and find it a difficult behavior to fight off!!!!, and whoa, spatial orientation, what if i close my EYES and try to punch-not-punch myself in the face." anyway, eventually i for real punched myself in the face. it didn't hurt, it just radiated. i smiled.

then i stumbled out to my car and collected 14 different cds. i never noticed the trumpets in this song before. i never noticed. do fish know they're in the ocean?

do fish move through water as effortlessly as we move through air? do they not know it outside moments of resistance?

i put on charlie parker; my mom called. we talked for 4 minutes and 48 seconds (i checked). it'd seemed so much longer, like i'd stepped out the back door into a Universe where it was only me, my MOTHER, my lie, and ETERNITY. and it was a complete performance. now playing the part of regular jeff is high jeff!!! ultra jeff!!! bizarro jeff!!!! hi jeff!!!!! but then i thought about what had happened, and it turns out i'm a really good ACTOR. i mean, she BOUGHT IT, as i pretended to be "regular me." yeah, i was so high the other night, i became a parody of myself. lol, ol, ol.

i didn't know what to do with these Thoughts. i brought 'em to you. there you are, looking out the back door at a cat offering a chipmunk, and i don't know if i'm the cat, or the chipmunk.