Grow Up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87.:

from my "extensive archives"!!!!!!:

i have the same problems now
that i had
when i was 20
and 18
and 16
and 12
and 10
and
7.
and 6.
and 11, 13, 15, 14, 17, 19, 21, now.
and other times.

i bought the wrong kind of
"deodorant."

i don't have the Qualities that make people ask you out on
Relationships
or offer you
Jobs
[hand, blow, salaried].

i don't have the Qualities that make people excuse you
while you kiss the sky.

Here are some of the many people i am not who have Qualities that i Do Not:

Barbara Askins
Developed a totally new way of processing film.

Edward Binney
Co-invented Crayola Crayons.

Henry Brown
Patented a "receptacle for storing and preserving papers" on November 2, 1886. It was special in that it kept the papers separated. Perhaps an early forerunner to the Filofax?

Thomas Elkins
African American inventor - view his three U.S. patents.

KK Gregory
The ten-year-old famous inventor of Wristies®.

Amanda Theodosia Jones
Changed the history of American food production by inventing vacuum packed canning.

Jack Johnson
The world's first African American heavyweight champion in history, also received a patent for a wrench (U.S.patent#1,413,121) on April the 18th, 1922.

Arthur Melin
Co-invented the modern hula hoop.

Robert Patch
Invented a toy truck at the age of six.

Joseph Priestley
Priestley invented soda water and co-discovered oxygen.

Ralph Samuelson
Ralph Samuelson, an eighteen-year-old from Minnesota, proposed the idea that if you could ski on snow, then you could ski on water. He invented waterskiing in 1922.

Ralph Teetor
Unstopped by his blindness, Ralph Teetor invented cruise control.

Edward Teller
The history of hydrogen bomb.

Valerie Thomas
Received a patent in 1980 for inventing an illusion transmitter.

Alexander J Cartwright
The game of baseball was invented by Cartwright.

Here are some of the many people i am:

if you loved me i would
invent things.
if i invented things you would
love me.

the hula hoop had to be co-invented.
a lot of mornings i want to die
and invent reasons
not to.
was baseball invented or "discovered."
same with the other things.

in order to "try something different" i bought
"old spice" + "speed stick" instead of
"speed stick"
alone.