GOOGLISM: "jeff will."

jeff will break your piggybank.
jeff will eat your dollar bills, for the same reason he eats "cheeseburgers," which is spite.
jeff will tell you there is no santa claus, when you believe in santa claus.
jeff will tell you, it's your parents. jeff will flatten your pennies.
jeff will deny the holocaust. jeff, can i talk to you for a minute? the holocaust will say.
jeff will say, did you guys hear something?, and pretend the holocaust isn't there, to be funny, but still not actually talk to the holocaust.
jeff will ignore you to watch 24 hour cable news.
jeff will ignore you for his cooler friends.
jeff will not actually have any friends to speak of, ever, but if he did, and you were one of them, he would ignore you for his cooler ones.
jeff will die alone.
jeff will laugh when you slip on the ice, or whatever.
jeff will tell you that your car accident was your fault.
jeff will tell you that his car accident wasn't his fault.
jeff will eat the plums that were in the icebox, which you were probably saving for breakfast.
jeff will want you to forgive him. don't. jeff will probably drink all of your cream soda, too.
jeff will forget your birthday.
jeff will do it with your mom, on your birthday.
jeff will have no reservations about that.
jeff will have no reservations at the restaurant you wanted to go to, even though you really wanted to go to it, a lot, and told him, a lot, and let's make reservations for this saturday, you said.
jeff will hide his conscience under your bed.
jeff will take your virginity and put it on his wall, like a deer's head. jeff will staple antlers to your virginity that he took.
jeff will be the sugar in your coffee, if you hate sugar in your coffee.
jeff will be the thing you hate most in your coffee, or else just your coffee, if you just hate coffee.
jeff will get drunk and break your lamp. jeff will put all of his promises to you in a big bag, and then lose the bag.
jeff will say it was an accident. jeff will try to seduce you with his "good intentions." jeff will convince you that his intentions are good.
jeff will know that "good intentions" aren't a sufficient moral defense, anymore than "popularity" is a sufficient moral defense. jeff will keep this to himself.
jeff will think of hitler. jeff will deny the holocaust again, but just to be difficult. jeff will tell you that he believes in 'argument.'
jeff will secretly mean that he likes it a little when you get mad, because it possibly means you care, and also, it's fun to watch.
jeff will watch your anger like a britney spears video, if he was thirteen, with an erection, and isn't he?
jeff will send you a postcard from hell.
jeff will steal your library book, and spill coffee on it with the sugar in it that is him that you hate, and then never take it back, too.
jeff will be indifferent to your late fees. jeff will refuse to pay child support.
jeff will handle this whole thing, so badly.
jeff will be unable to shake his conviction that telling someone Everything is the best and most efficient path to Unlove.
jeff will be unable to shake his compulsion to keep telling people things, unto Everything, a little at a time, anyway.
jeff will be unable to shake his drinking problem, even with your love and support.
jeff will worry with himself, if he ever tells somebody Everything, and they still Love him, will he start to be bad?
jeff will wonder how much you really love him. jeff will start to misbehave, is one concern.
jeff will come up with new Everythings to tell you about, maybe.
jeff will tell you all about it,
to see just how much of him your heart can hold,
before it breaks.